Why is my life so complicated and I never feel fulfilled?

Answer to Quora question: "Why is my life so complicated and I never feel fulfilled?"

Question details: "I've never had close friends, social experiences, very few relationships, no job, and i haven't completed my degree. I feel that i'm unlucky in life, while other people can get away with so much and still be on top. Am i just too nice? Why do i lack direction? Why can't i feel powerful? Any advice?"

A2A. Although I don't know all the details of your situation (which is a requirement for giving any kind of useful advice!), I did read through your question and comments, and my conclusion is that you might do well to alter the way you are viewing yourself - your priorities and your values orientation. Why do luck and success matter to you? Why have you made them so important that you compare the luck and success of others to your own? Why is "feeling powerful" or being "on top" important to you? Why do you believe that "feeling fulfilled" is somehow supposed to be part of your existence? How did you arrive at these conclusions and adopt these values for yourself...?

I think that is where you need to begin: understanding where your assumptions came from, and if they are really a) correct and accurate assumptions, in some absolute sense, b) apply to you, holding to your innermost convictions, and are really what you value most, and c) if it is possible that you have been misled or misinformed. My suspicion is that you have adopted some values and methods of self-evaluation that have arisen from a superficial, commercialistic and celebrity-centric world. Perhaps you have been "sold" a value system that really only benefits very few people with certain skills and aptitudes, and leaves everyone else feeling exactly the way you are feeling. And maybe that value system is actually a lie. A lie that benefits people who would like to exploit you and keep you focused outside of yourself for answers, because that helps them remain "lucky," "on top" and "in power."

And if you have accepted a lie as truth, you will probably always feel the way you are feeling. Until you see through the spectacle and illusion of what a materialistic, individualistic, plutocratic system - a system that thrives on deception and misdirection - has programmed you to believe, you will keep casting about for ways to "be fulfilled" or "powerful" or "on top," and you will keep feeling like a miserable failure. Because that's the way you are supposed to feel if you aren't one of the extremely rare people - perhaps 1% of 1% - who can fulfill all the superficial, vapid, commercially viable but essentially meaningless expectations of modern culture.

So instead, I would encourage you to turn away from mass media, social media, pop culture, advertising and commercial music, TV and film, and instead turn your focus inward. Look inside yourself for what you value most. What is really important to you, deep down? What defines who you actually are, and why you are actually here? Stop paying attention to everything going on outside of you, and turn your attention to what is going on within your heart, mind and soul. Spend time alone in Nature, in meditation, in deep reflection. That is where I believe you will find purpose and fulfillment and belonging - that is where you will find values that enhance your self-concept in constructive ways. And, if you follow through on this inward sensitivity and awareness, and are disciplined about it, well...be prepared to be amazed at what you find. It will probably bring you to tears.

And you will never care about celebrity, luck, power or success in the popular or commercialized sense ever again.

My 2 cents.


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